I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
