He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
