Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
