Can Purell be used as lube?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
