i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
