Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
