please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
