I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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