a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
