literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
