we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
