They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
