Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
