And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
