I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
