He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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