The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
