Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
