Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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