saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
