She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and she was petting her beer can
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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