I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize