it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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