the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
