Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
