____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize