Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
be right there i have to get my cape
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
