I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize