also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize