they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
