Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
