Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
