wakey wakey hands off snakey
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize