I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
