two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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