i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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