hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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