Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
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