Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
