I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
