Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i walk over a car last night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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