WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
