I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
