So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ketchup is God's man juice
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
