I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Actions speak louder than pants.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
