Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
