He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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