I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
