he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
