i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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