you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
