at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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