I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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