Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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