fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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