It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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