Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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