We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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