After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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