Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize