sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
