Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize