Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
