They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
