you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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