he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
