no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize