Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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