We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize