you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
