the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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