Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
These tits shall not be calmed
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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