so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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