you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
